Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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