The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My pussy is not your playground.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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