Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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