toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
