Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize