im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
