saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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