What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
