Yo dont text me then not text me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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