I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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