I wannas sexs uuuuu
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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