Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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