I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize