I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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