Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
