I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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