babies were throwing up all over the place
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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