The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
