I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
