Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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