i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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