...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Randomize
