im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
