Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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