If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
