If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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