i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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