just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
