i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
