She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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