ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
