You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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