I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
