ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
