god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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