I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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