The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
