Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
