i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
