Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
