I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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