I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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