Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
