today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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