you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
