i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
