too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
