when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
