There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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