I cockslap morals
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
