drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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