I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
