its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
