I wish I could teleport
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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