If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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