I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
