Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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