I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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