I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
