i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
