Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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