Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm always down for nudity.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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