He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
