It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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