our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dicks are not precious.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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