The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
