He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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