Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
