I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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