I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
